Developing and Maintaining Empathy as a Leader, and Why It’s Important

To say 2020 has been a rough year is nothing short of an understatement. We have seen devastation, hardships, injustices, and destruction on both a micro and a global level. People, however, have developed a fantastic ability to persevere. This year has presented some unique challenges — a viral pandemic affecting everyone regardless of geography, race, or socioeconomic status. More attention than ever (at least in my recent memory), being given to the nature of oppression, especially related to our history. Still, despite how overshadowing they may seem, there is a coming together of people through times of difficulty.

There is compassion, generosity, kindness, and unity. What is it about hardships that bring together people from different backgrounds, upbringings, and personal experiences? What unites us in a collective, shared experience? What allows us to feel what others are feeling and realize we are more connected than we know? Feelings can include fear, love, anger, repression, exhaustion, frustration, or anything else. Regardless of what the exact emotion is, there is a sense of a shared understanding. Without understanding what others are going through and how those experiences might shape their worldview, we cannot change for the better. This shared understanding is what we call empathy.

Empathy and Leadership

It is in our nature to want to connect with others. The COVID-19 pandemic has provided a unique opportunity to witness this in real-time. While the pandemic has mostly kept people isolated in their homes, it has not weakened people’s need for connection. On the contrary, individuals and businesses have adopted unique, creative, and safe workarounds to maintain their ties with people.

Empathy is an inherent human trait. As with any other human quality, though, there is a broad spectrum. Just as some people are naturally better public speakers, or more extroverted, so are some naturally more empathetic than others. But, like other human traits, empathy can be practiced and improved. Think about this: When others talk to you, are you merely just hearing what they are saying, or are you present and listening? Are you already thinking about your response as they are talking? Or do you give them your full attention and take in the entirety of what they are saying before forming your response?

“Empathy is first: I take the perspective of another person, meaning I become the listener and the student, not the knower. Second: I stay out of judgment. And third and fourth: I try to understand what emotion they’re articulating and communicate my understand of that emotion.” - Dare to Lead, Brene Brown

Practicing intuitive listening is a crucial step in demonstrating empathy and fostering feelings of trust among your staff. Building on this trust, your team will be surprisingly open with you, which is a win-win situation. This openness will allow you to see and understand what makes each team member unique. Utilizing this information will be essential as you guide and grow them into leaders in their own right. Allowing your team members to realize their full potential while nurturing the next generation of confident, self-assured leaders is authentic leadership. Intuitive listening is a critical skill in practicing empathy, and there is no question these proficiencies go a long way in creating lasting leadership.

Can Empathy Be Learned (or Forgotten)?

Empathy has a straightforward definition — the ability to understand another’s experience, perspective, and feelings. This desire to understand is a primary reason people enter the non-profit sector. Despite the straightforward definition, and the apparent willingness to understand, there is still confusion over what empathy actually means, particularly in the context of leadership. A recent survey published in the Harvard Business Review of over 200 leading executives found that 50 percent of those surveyed do not consider their team’s sentiment when deciding.

Empathy does not mean you have to agree with how someone else sees things, but you are at least open and able to understand their perspective. This understanding broadens your view and is an essential skill for anyone looking to grow and develop into a successful leader in any organization. By demonstrating empathy, your staff will be more likely to trust your guidance and be moved to take risks and expand upon their capabilities.

“One of the most ubiquitous aphorisms… is that the best leaders understand the need to “walk the talk” — that is, their behavior and day-to-day actions have to match the aspirations they have for their colleagues and organization.” - Harvard Business Review

Leaders often face complex decisions, and their ability to exercise empathy or walk the talk can fluctuate. As your responsibilities grow, it can be harder to demonstrate empathy consistently. These challenges are understandable, but this is where authentic leadership comes in. It is essential to be fully present for your team and not forget those who look to you for direction.

Walking the talk

Research suggests that reading is strongly associated with practicing empathy. In my case, I enjoy reading biographies. A good biography introduces us to different cultures, lets us see life through someone else’s eyes, and allows us to learn from their successes and failures. Looking through my bookshelf a few months ago, I noticed something that disturbed me: all the recent biographies I had read were of older, white males! (Exception: I did read both B. Obama’s books.) I knew I needed to add a more diverse selection to my reading list. The next three biographies I read were all women from diverse backgrounds: former U.S. Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright, American publisher, Katharine Graham, and former First Lady, Michelle Obama. Their stories were unique and powerful and reinforced the need to be more open to future selections.

Reading fiction can also strengthen your capacity to practice empathy. In the research article, The Relationship Between Empathy and Reading Fiction, John Stansfield and Louise Bunce showed that the regular reading of fiction is strongly related to practicing empathy. It stated, reading “requires readers to understand the other points of view of narrators and protagonists and that people who read a lot of fiction are therefore likely to have highly developed faculties of cognitive empathy.” Being based in Asia for most of my career, I strived to read stories by authors from this region to understand the cultures and experiences better. Amitav Ghosh, Khaled Hosseini, and Liu Cixin are brilliant storytellers.

“Fiction gives us empathy: it puts us inside the minds of other people, gives us the gifts of seeing the world through their eyes. Fiction is a lie that tells us true things, over and over.” - Neil Gaiman

I share this to address the benefits of increasing empathy. We all come from varying backgrounds. We differ in so many ways, including gender, ethnicity, age, and sexuality. It is vitally important for leaders to understand their staff by listening and remaining curious. Shift what you currently do and find a way to build deeper connections with your team. Walk the talk and make empathy a word synonymous with your organization.

Edmund Settle is the founder of Edmund Settle Executive Coaching and can be reached at edmund@edmundsettle.com.